feeling guilty :(

kenapa sih semuanya gini. gue ngerasa semuanya berantakan. hati gue. campur aduk. ada rasa yang ngga enak. kenapa gini? :(

okay. itu prolog gue. gue labil bgt hari ini ngga ngerti kenapa. banyak pikiran dan rasa kecampur aduk semuaaa duuuhhh

gue malem ini bener2 males tidur entah kenapa. ada sesuatu yg bikin gue gamau tidur padahal gue juga ngga tau. i just keep replaying my old playlist in the beginning of 2011. and then many memories passing by. gue gasuka kaya gini. gue emang kangen banget, tp gaboleh kaya gini. waktu gabisa diulang. gue kangen bgt sm anak2, apalagi keadaan di kelas sama mereka. jelas skrg semuanya berubah. ini harusnya emang normal, tp gue yg ga pernah bisa nerima kenyataan, selalu aja kaya gini.

gue suram banget. banyak impian gue yang ngga tercapai tahun ini. impian dari hati gue, bukan kaya sekolah prestasi gitu loh. gue bersyukur banget bisa masuk sekolah unggulan hebat dan gue cinta sekolah dan temen2 baru gue, tp itu bukan masalah gue. ini lain. impian lain. hayalan gue sih, tepatnya. sedih nggak sih bahasa gue. please bgt.

yep, hayalan gue hanya beberapa doang yang tercapai sampe kenyataan. salah satunya adalah bisa natap semua personil Super Junior + Shinee, hell yea, they're recognize me.

expectation x reality

yaaa bukan hayalan gue sih sebenernya, tapi ekspektasi. semua yang gue sangat harapkan terjadi. semua nya ngga ada yang nyambung sama realiti kehidupan gue. banyak bgt yang bilang impian dan keinginan gue ketinggian, tapi kan bukan katanya impian itu harus tinggi2? nah makanya gue bingung. gue ngga ngerti. karena setiap pola pikir orang itu berbeda beda.

apa yg gue harapkan bgt terjadi, hanya berjalan 20%. ngibul. omdo, tepatnya. gue berharap bgt bisa pindah ke luar negri, belum kesampean juga. gue berharap bgt bisa ngelakuin apa yang gue mau, pasti aja ada rintangan dan masalahnya. gue berharap bgt semuanya lancar dan gaada lagi sakit hati and being sensitive, nyatanya gue tetep sedih dan bete2 juga tuh.

ini jelas, emang bener. harapan gue terlalu tinggi. karena saking tingginya, waktu semuanya udh kejadian ngga seperti apa yg gue mau, braakkkkkk. impian gue jatoh. pecah berkeping-keping. hancur, robek, musnah gitu aja. bahkan gue aja sampe detik ini, ngetik post ini, masi ngga percaya semuanya udah lewat dan berakhir gt aja dan sama sekali ngga bisa diulang. gue menyedihkan gak sih?

tahun ini berakhir sebentar lagi. nah salah satunya harapan gue dulu th 2010 akhir, bisa ngelupain semua yang buruk2 dan mulai hidup baru yg lebih baik. dan..................ngga kejadian. semuanya. sampe detik ini juga hal yg wkt itu pengen gue lupain jelas2 masi nempel di kepala gue sampe skrg. emang bener, beberapa impian gue yg jelas bisa dikejar pake otak tercapai, alhamdulillah perfect sesuai keinginan dan doa. tapi, ada yg kurang.....................

gue pengen bgt bisa ngelupain semuanya dan mulai hidup baru, lagi. prinsip gue gapernah berubah. selalu pengen berubah.padahal belom tentu ada yg suka perubahan gue. tp gue pengen ada perubahan. pengen bgt ngerasa ada yg beda sama gue di th 2012 yg akan datang.

gue pengen hayalan gue, semuanya, yg ketinggian itu, musnah. ilang mati hangus terbakar. gue gabutuh. gue mau ngejar prestasi aja. ini beneran. serius. bukan janji ngibul. gue pengen bgt jd anak yg pinter bgt. tanpa beban hidup, tanpa masalah. ngga banyak pikiran. dll. pokoknya pengen semua yang baik2. gue mulai mikir ke arah dimana gue harus berdiri dan berusaha dan apa yg hrs gue kejar sampe titik darah terakhir di umur gue ini. Allah pasti ngebantu gue buat ngelewatin semuanya dengan lancar. Allah know what's best for me.





tuhkaaaaaan.............. curhatan gue super labil dan super banyak T_T if you're not interested to read it its okay just skip it and see my another post okay ciao xoxoxo :)

First day of October.

Hey guys, wish me luck.

Please, so i can survive this month. Physically, Mentally.

No more sad, stress, and feel of being pushed by everybody.

Get the best score in my class (because i still have a time before December).

Always have and will get the best. Amen.

xoxoxo

ryu myu

New life... Yeah.

Hi everybody, feeling great to greet you all this evening ;)

Umm... Speechless. I don't know what to say X_X too many story in my mind... And of course I can't tell you here heheh.

About high school.... Great!! Never feels good before. I met many nice friends, and books too asdfghjkl :& there's a lot nice teachers, cozy class, and hell yea big school B) I got many many experiences that I will not forget forever, it's both amazing and fun experiences that anybody can't feel that.... Hehehe :D

This evening... Omg. So bored. To hell. I keep playing my iPad, and of course I got nothing to do. I supposed to be In PS now with my friends but no one can bring me there huhuhu. I conclude this major accident, MAJOR MIND CRASHER, that I should learning to drive AGAIN. Oh puhleaaseeee. I. Don't. Wanna. Learn. To. Drive. Again. T_T okay last time i trying to drive I almost kill my family :<

Angry Birds. Fuck you. I'm addicted to you. I haven't sleep until 2AM because of you.
The Sims 3. You too. Hhhhhhhh.

OMG ALMOST FORGOT!!! This is Ramadhan, and I wanna say... *uhuk*..... Mohon Maaf Lahir Dan Batin teman - teman semua, maaf kalo gue salah ngomong, ngga sengaja nyakitin hati lo, berbuat sesuatu yg ngga lo suka, sekali lagi, Maaf bgt yah semua ya, bener2 ini permohonan Maaf Dari lubuk hati yang terdalam :):):):) nobody's perfect, gue yakin banget kalo gue punya banyak salah, Dan hanya orang lain yg bisa ngasi tau gue, dan selanjutnya tinggal gue yg ngoreksi diri sendiri :)

Yap.... Hehehe. Go translate that :p

About my other post, things about my stresses, alhamdulillah it's gone already, yeah I crushed it ;) actually I just think that maybe god have some other plan for me, a next big thing, another way, so I can enjoy my life after that depression period :)

I just wanna say that........................... I'll forget you. All of the things you do. "you" doesn't mean someone special, maybe it's just for some people that I can't live without, and now I have to live without them. Maybe I regret all my action, or maybe not. Maybe you that will regret all your action, all your bullshits, and I'm gonna really really thankful to god O:)

Hey guys, xoxoxo. Greetings.

heartbreak and goodbye

hey everyone. im gonna use indonesian for this post. hehe.

jadiii semalem itu promnight angkatan gue. tempatnya mantap bgt men, bagus bgt, acaranya jg tersusun rapi, bintang tamunya bagus2 dannn lagu yang mereka bawain enak2 bgt! temen2 juga cantik2 bgt sampe gue minder dan krisis pede sendiri :-( dan cowo2nya juga ganteng2 hahahah, ive told ya kalo gue suka bgt cowo make jas heheh.

ummm semuanya baik, tp dalem hati gue yg berantakan. super berantakan. campur aduk, bunyi pecah belah, perang antara otak dan hati, dan gaada yg menang. semuanya ancur. pokoknya itu yg bikin gue galau selama 2 bulan ini. ya allah.

bulan april masih jd masa2 bahagia gue... apalagi wkt pulang dari spore. behhh hidup kaya surga. betapa tiap hari gue sekolah gapernah bisa ilangin senyum atau ketawa, cenat cenut, bahagia deh pokoknya. masuk bulan mei abis UN. mulai suram. hidup gue makin ngga jelas. di ambang kematian. mixed feelings. antara bingung dan pasrah. tapi alhamdulillah gue bisa ngejalanin tes negri dengan lancar dan nilai terbaik dan juga keterima :)

lanjut. jujur selama 5 tahun gue sekolah di alpus, hidup datar bgt. malah kadang dooownnnnn bgt sampe gue megap2 kehabisan udara buat hidup lagi di alpus. terkadang gue jg ngerasa fly... bener2 seneng, dan bangga bisa jadi part of 39 semua :-)

hm sebenernya post gue kali ini no point bgt yah, seperti judulnya ada kata2 heartbreak.
heartbreak itu ada berbagai macam loh. dan rasa sedih nya jg beda2. kalo skrg sih jelas2 gue heartbreak gara2.... someone lah. and its the one who makes me wanna kill myself, puhlease kill me now man.

about goodbye... ummm gausah dijelasin lagi, soalnya jelas2 gue lg ngadepin perpisahan sama semua orang. ninggalin lingkungan biasa gue, guru2, temen2, semuanya. emang berat, tp hrs dijalanin. kita semua bakal jalan ke arah yg beda... sekolah beda, pergaulan jg beda, kehidupan jg beda, tapi yaaa mau digimanain lg. wkt ngga akan pernah bisa diulang.

banyak bgt yang mau gue bilang ke kalian semua, pengen bgt meluk semua orang, pengen bgt minta maaf sama semua orang, pengen bgt meluk meja gue di kelas, pengen bgt foto2 di kelas lagi, pokoknya gue pengen masa smp lagi meskipun waktu ngga bisa diulang :(

last word.... im gonna miss you all super much :'( time flies very fast ya..... semoga kita semua bisa ngejalanin masa sma dengan baik dan sukses masuk jenjang berikutnya yaitu kuliah, sampe nanti, semoga karir kita semua baik, punya masa depan yang cerah, dan nanti kita semua bakal dipertemukan lagi bareng2 sebagai "ALUMNI ALPUS ANGKATAN 39".

crazy little things called Love

HOLIDAY IS ON BABYYYYY!

yaaap holiday is coming. this is uberrr greatttt! hi everybodeeeeeh lets have fun togethaaaa!

yap. ehem. lemme explain many things first.

i got many, many heartbreaking news these days. superrr heartbreak. about many things that i cant explain in my blogs bcs maybeeee someone gonna read it. although it was really awful, and im being crazy girl for maybe... 2 weeks? yap its super awful and i wanna kill myself because of someone just... php-ing me. maybe some people thinks that im too 'lebay' about that, but hey, i have a feelings. you guys don't know how it feels, to be me, the girl that... ahhhh stop it, it makes me cry even moooore.

and i have a really good news... I JUST GRADUATE FROM JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL! feels both sad and happy to leave you all guys.... and school... but i know that god prepare a lot of things for me in the future :):):) and i have a nice nem toooo!

AND YOU KNOW WHATTT.... ME, DIANDRA RIVANKA, IS ACCEPTED IN SMAN70 :'''''D ohhh god thank you so much for everything :"""D and actually i accepted in alpus3 too... but *bismillah* im not take it :) i feels that maybe moving into the new school is better... find a new friends, teacher, and place. i know that i will miss someone.... *sigh* but hey, its okay :) it will comeback to me if it really made for me :) i know it because i have waiting for 5 years, i know its little bit stressing me out, and im trying to forget it. i just wanna say that im gonna miss you so much :) thats it, nothing to say, nothing more.

hey everybody in 39, i will not forget our times together, when we laughs, when we cry, when we were in class, everything, specially for my best class everrr 9E, you guys are great! this thing *pointing to my head* will not forget many many crazy little things about you, i never ever never ever never ever forget how much i love you guys :") even tho i will have a many2 new friends in other school... but you guys my best :""") 7E,8F you guys too! you all my best pal too! damn this is so sad, but.... 'you' too. i never forget 'you'. dear 'you know who'. i never ever forget my feelings, and how much i've try. but it all doesn't work until the last... the only way to forget you is leaving you. i must learn to live without seeing you sitting in the class, laughing beside me and insulting me. thank you for this 5 years :) you made my whole life change in 5 years. i hope you will remember me as your.... friend :) errghhh this is soo sad and my tears is already falling down when i typing all this words.

w000t it feels great. really great when everything in my head were written down in my personal diary.

hmmmm actually i just got back to Jakarta from my summer holiday in Bali hihiiiyyy :D and maybe im gonna spending this last 3 weeks of my holiday in Singapore and Jakarta hmmmm but my original plan is going to Korea :( because of the timing didn't match AT ALL, sooo it maybe postpone until December or summer next year :-( huhhhh.

last word... Dear 39, i love you all. it will never change. You guys are my friends eventho maybe you hate me because of my behavior, and i wanna send you all a truck of 'sorry' :-( i still feel that you guys my best, boy or girl, tall or short, nice or annoying, fat or thin, everyone. I LOVE YOU. gonna miss you all :''')

and i cant wait for 29th June 2011, My Birthday, Hihi love you all {}<3:)

for me its happen all the time.

Yep, hai all :)

I just finished every test... UN.. US... UP... All. I hope I can get a best score :) hooofttt.

I'm in a bad condition, really really bad. Idk why there's something bother my head, me heart.... Something's wrong. I know it.

Beside I don't have a school (yet), hey this is different. The feelings are different. Idk why this THING keeps bothering my head. I can't forget it. Everything I touch. Everything I see, everything I have, it reminds me. Always. To that thing. Everyday.

In this, late, night, I don't know what to do. I can't sleep, I can't think, I don't know. Maybe I'm going crazy.

I can't feel anything. Its like your body without anything on it. Kopong. I feel nothing. I wonder about the one I thing about is... "What's on his/her head?" I keep thinking about it.

I'm sorry I post something trashy, but this i how I feel. Blogspot is my personal diary, but can read by some people. I feel that my blog is my only friend at night, that I can share something about "something", yuppp I can't tell you specifically about my problem, I just can't reveal it....

These day I keep watching sad movies, slow songs, thinking about nothing, daydreaming.... Oh how stupid I am. Maybe I just wasting time doing nothing, beside that, I SHOULD STUDY FOR 70 TEST. Why can I think about that days days days months months year year ago??? *hiperbola* hem stupid me.
but u know lah I'm a lazy ass kid... I'm study based on my moods. If its good, the I'll study. If its not... Then I'm gonna playing laptop, skype-ing with friends, shopping, swimming, doing crazy things, laughing out loud with sister, eating, party, and MORE!!

And the conclusion is : I must forget that thing.

Kay bye.