HUHA B-)

hey guys wish me luck for my last semester I exam. ipa/ips? let's see.

xoxo my cyber friends

p.s. im in my great condition now, physically and mentally, thank god everything has flew away to HELL. *but currently still burning my problems away and haven't done it YET*

miss them like a LOT

HELLO NOVEMBER

heeeey guys its been a long time.

thankfully i get a good times these day at school. there's something bothering me but that's okay. its November already. time sure flying very fast. this year i have been in many troubles, many heartbreak, being lied, and many more. there's a lot of positive and good times too of course. yep its complicated. I'm trying to just looking forward but its just hard.

how is it like? for being lied by someone that you trusted A LOT? im in this situation. i just cant believe it when i know the truth. its just awkward. after all the things that i said... omg. its very mean. very very mean. dont even think that you will keep my feelings as good as before like theres nothing change. its YOU that dont have 'a feelings. you're trying to understand me as much as you can but in the back you don't wanna tell me anything and you keep the fuck up so you think that you can't hurt me and you think that you can maintain my feelings. nope, it doesnt work. sorry. but i already know everything. even if you just have that feeling for a short time, but hey, im your friend. you cant do that to me. i trusted you. :"(

hehe. there's an private talk in this post. thats what im thinking these days. its just very... heartbreaking. but im okay :D

i love my friends so much and i really appreciated them. maybe i said something that isn't good but actually i said that just to be more closed with you guys. i never want to hurt you all even if im hurt because of your words to me. ive always forgive you no matter what happen because i love you all. dont even try to think that i hate you, never. i never hate someone in my life because i always forgive my closed friends. i cant hate my friend. its okay of you wanna hate me or hurt me, karma does exist. theres always a friend that speaks like a trashcan and very harsh, yes i hate it, but i never said anything. i keep it all in my heart. i really don't wanna say something that can hurt you guys, i just can hurt myself. im trying to be understandable but there's always a bunch of people that think negatively of me. i wanna say thank you to those people that always understand me and very nice to me, people that can appreciate me as their friends, give me shoulder to cry on, giving me hug, never used me, and never lie to me whatever it takes. :)

many exams. omg. my head going to explode. many homeworks. like hell. okay guys its meeee posting on the blog and i have to doing my hw. november is sh^t

xo

escape

Heeeyy guysss. Today. Tonight. 22 September 2011. :)

Its been a year, when OSIS 2009-2010 goes to Thailand. Miss those time when I don't have many problem right now, the time when life isn't complicated as now, the time when I was having fun like there's no problem in my life. The time when I was stu-dying all time for UN, Alpus Elevation, having fun with friends going anywhere anytime and everywhere, laughing together with my middle school friends, like there's no problem. Yes, like there's no problem.

Its been a year, yes its been a year. You know what? Honestly, I'm frustrated. Many problems happening right now, I don't even know how to solve that... "Cancer" mind always leads to negative thinking. They're always think that every people do and say, its Cancer's fault.

Many things in my mind :s and my brain is going to explode. I get a major headache 2 times a week. And I never want to tell anybody about this, because I don't want. I wanna back to 2008, I wanna start everything :(:( I wanna begin middle school from the beginning again, please god, I don't wanna be in high school :"( I miss my pal :""""( I never felt like this before. I really really want to restart everything's, God :""((( although its hard.. I know that there's a time that I hate everything in my life when I was a middle schooler, but I'm sure I can do it. God always with me. Help me from everything....

I miss those time when we were together, laughing together like there's no problem and awkward feeling, yes, NO AWKWARD FEELING. My life is full of pressure... I hate my brain :"( I hate my heart for letting me being hurts like this :"""( I really need an escape. I need to move to another country. I wanna start a new life. I can't live like this all the time. Everything's torturing me. Even my family does. And I wanna tell you that this "missing everybody" feelings is killing me... I can't believe that everything has an "ends". Nothing lasts forever. I really can't believe that.

That's my life in my position, in my point of view. Maybe everyone thinks that I a very happy person, yeah they see the other side of me. That's not the real me right now. Many pressures. From everywhere. Even from my family. Many problems that I can't even tell you guys. The conclusion is... I'm not that happy these days. Please don't hurt me because I'm really sensitive.

And guys.... I really need a hug :") {}

(i was wrote this post on 22 september 2011 but i havent post it, yet. until now. hehe)

another late nite chat

halo..... we meet again.

sekarang jam 12 malem dan gue masih labil di tengah malem minggu gini. yeeeep sekali lagi gue ulang, labil.

labil, random, mixed feeling.

banyak bgt kejadian hari ini yg super makin bikin gue banyak pikiran pusing dan bingung x_x salah satunya adalaaah sebenernya cita2 gue itu apasih? gue pengen jd Arsitek. itu cita2 gue. tp sayangnya gue jauuuuuuuuuh lebih menguasai pelajaran IPS, dan gue berburuk sangka bahwa gue gaakan bisa masuk IPA. gimana mau jd arsitek kalo sma nya ips. ada option lain. yaitu gue mesti kuliah diluar negri. setau gue kalo kuliah di luar negri itu ngga peduli apa lo ipa/ips asal lo bisa ngejar semuanya aja. elah. galau.

salah satu impian gue adalah jadi........produser/sutradara. gila. ini impian gue yg terindah. apalagi kalo bs jd Scriptwriter. karena gue suka bgt menghayal, makanya profesi ini bagus bgt buat gue. gue mau sekolah perfilman di new york, atauu hollywood. anjir, surga maksimal. gue pengen bgt bikin film. dalam berbagai macam genre. sebenernya sih sejujurnya.....................gue pengen bgt bikin film sedih. kayaknya gokil tuuh. hahaha

HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHH KNP SIH GUE JD CEWE MESTI SENSI BGTTTT. apa yg org lakuin dan omongin pasti gue langsung ngira itu gue. gue selalu takut sesuatu terjadi. yg aneh2. yg gue gamau. elah mati aja deh gue






goodbye

feeling guilty :(

kenapa sih semuanya gini. gue ngerasa semuanya berantakan. hati gue. campur aduk. ada rasa yang ngga enak. kenapa gini? :(

okay. itu prolog gue. gue labil bgt hari ini ngga ngerti kenapa. banyak pikiran dan rasa kecampur aduk semuaaa duuuhhh

gue malem ini bener2 males tidur entah kenapa. ada sesuatu yg bikin gue gamau tidur padahal gue juga ngga tau. i just keep replaying my old playlist in the beginning of 2011. and then many memories passing by. gue gasuka kaya gini. gue emang kangen banget, tp gaboleh kaya gini. waktu gabisa diulang. gue kangen bgt sm anak2, apalagi keadaan di kelas sama mereka. jelas skrg semuanya berubah. ini harusnya emang normal, tp gue yg ga pernah bisa nerima kenyataan, selalu aja kaya gini.

gue suram banget. banyak impian gue yang ngga tercapai tahun ini. impian dari hati gue, bukan kaya sekolah prestasi gitu loh. gue bersyukur banget bisa masuk sekolah unggulan hebat dan gue cinta sekolah dan temen2 baru gue, tp itu bukan masalah gue. ini lain. impian lain. hayalan gue sih, tepatnya. sedih nggak sih bahasa gue. please bgt.

yep, hayalan gue hanya beberapa doang yang tercapai sampe kenyataan. salah satunya adalah bisa natap semua personil Super Junior + Shinee, hell yea, they're recognize me.

expectation x reality

yaaa bukan hayalan gue sih sebenernya, tapi ekspektasi. semua yang gue sangat harapkan terjadi. semua nya ngga ada yang nyambung sama realiti kehidupan gue. banyak bgt yang bilang impian dan keinginan gue ketinggian, tapi kan bukan katanya impian itu harus tinggi2? nah makanya gue bingung. gue ngga ngerti. karena setiap pola pikir orang itu berbeda beda.

apa yg gue harapkan bgt terjadi, hanya berjalan 20%. ngibul. omdo, tepatnya. gue berharap bgt bisa pindah ke luar negri, belum kesampean juga. gue berharap bgt bisa ngelakuin apa yang gue mau, pasti aja ada rintangan dan masalahnya. gue berharap bgt semuanya lancar dan gaada lagi sakit hati and being sensitive, nyatanya gue tetep sedih dan bete2 juga tuh.

ini jelas, emang bener. harapan gue terlalu tinggi. karena saking tingginya, waktu semuanya udh kejadian ngga seperti apa yg gue mau, braakkkkkk. impian gue jatoh. pecah berkeping-keping. hancur, robek, musnah gitu aja. bahkan gue aja sampe detik ini, ngetik post ini, masi ngga percaya semuanya udah lewat dan berakhir gt aja dan sama sekali ngga bisa diulang. gue menyedihkan gak sih?

tahun ini berakhir sebentar lagi. nah salah satunya harapan gue dulu th 2010 akhir, bisa ngelupain semua yang buruk2 dan mulai hidup baru yg lebih baik. dan..................ngga kejadian. semuanya. sampe detik ini juga hal yg wkt itu pengen gue lupain jelas2 masi nempel di kepala gue sampe skrg. emang bener, beberapa impian gue yg jelas bisa dikejar pake otak tercapai, alhamdulillah perfect sesuai keinginan dan doa. tapi, ada yg kurang.....................

gue pengen bgt bisa ngelupain semuanya dan mulai hidup baru, lagi. prinsip gue gapernah berubah. selalu pengen berubah.padahal belom tentu ada yg suka perubahan gue. tp gue pengen ada perubahan. pengen bgt ngerasa ada yg beda sama gue di th 2012 yg akan datang.

gue pengen hayalan gue, semuanya, yg ketinggian itu, musnah. ilang mati hangus terbakar. gue gabutuh. gue mau ngejar prestasi aja. ini beneran. serius. bukan janji ngibul. gue pengen bgt jd anak yg pinter bgt. tanpa beban hidup, tanpa masalah. ngga banyak pikiran. dll. pokoknya pengen semua yang baik2. gue mulai mikir ke arah dimana gue harus berdiri dan berusaha dan apa yg hrs gue kejar sampe titik darah terakhir di umur gue ini. Allah pasti ngebantu gue buat ngelewatin semuanya dengan lancar. Allah know what's best for me.





tuhkaaaaaan.............. curhatan gue super labil dan super banyak T_T if you're not interested to read it its okay just skip it and see my another post okay ciao xoxoxo :)

First day of October.

Hey guys, wish me luck.

Please, so i can survive this month. Physically, Mentally.

No more sad, stress, and feel of being pushed by everybody.

Get the best score in my class (because i still have a time before December).

Always have and will get the best. Amen.

xoxoxo

ryu myu

New life... Yeah.

Hi everybody, feeling great to greet you all this evening ;)

Umm... Speechless. I don't know what to say X_X too many story in my mind... And of course I can't tell you here heheh.

About high school.... Great!! Never feels good before. I met many nice friends, and books too asdfghjkl :& there's a lot nice teachers, cozy class, and hell yea big school B) I got many many experiences that I will not forget forever, it's both amazing and fun experiences that anybody can't feel that.... Hehehe :D

This evening... Omg. So bored. To hell. I keep playing my iPad, and of course I got nothing to do. I supposed to be In PS now with my friends but no one can bring me there huhuhu. I conclude this major accident, MAJOR MIND CRASHER, that I should learning to drive AGAIN. Oh puhleaaseeee. I. Don't. Wanna. Learn. To. Drive. Again. T_T okay last time i trying to drive I almost kill my family :<

Angry Birds. Fuck you. I'm addicted to you. I haven't sleep until 2AM because of you.
The Sims 3. You too. Hhhhhhhh.

OMG ALMOST FORGOT!!! This is Ramadhan, and I wanna say... *uhuk*..... Mohon Maaf Lahir Dan Batin teman - teman semua, maaf kalo gue salah ngomong, ngga sengaja nyakitin hati lo, berbuat sesuatu yg ngga lo suka, sekali lagi, Maaf bgt yah semua ya, bener2 ini permohonan Maaf Dari lubuk hati yang terdalam :):):):) nobody's perfect, gue yakin banget kalo gue punya banyak salah, Dan hanya orang lain yg bisa ngasi tau gue, dan selanjutnya tinggal gue yg ngoreksi diri sendiri :)

Yap.... Hehehe. Go translate that :p

About my other post, things about my stresses, alhamdulillah it's gone already, yeah I crushed it ;) actually I just think that maybe god have some other plan for me, a next big thing, another way, so I can enjoy my life after that depression period :)

I just wanna say that........................... I'll forget you. All of the things you do. "you" doesn't mean someone special, maybe it's just for some people that I can't live without, and now I have to live without them. Maybe I regret all my action, or maybe not. Maybe you that will regret all your action, all your bullshits, and I'm gonna really really thankful to god O:)

Hey guys, xoxoxo. Greetings.

heartbreak and goodbye

hey everyone. im gonna use indonesian for this post. hehe.

jadiii semalem itu promnight angkatan gue. tempatnya mantap bgt men, bagus bgt, acaranya jg tersusun rapi, bintang tamunya bagus2 dannn lagu yang mereka bawain enak2 bgt! temen2 juga cantik2 bgt sampe gue minder dan krisis pede sendiri :-( dan cowo2nya juga ganteng2 hahahah, ive told ya kalo gue suka bgt cowo make jas heheh.

ummm semuanya baik, tp dalem hati gue yg berantakan. super berantakan. campur aduk, bunyi pecah belah, perang antara otak dan hati, dan gaada yg menang. semuanya ancur. pokoknya itu yg bikin gue galau selama 2 bulan ini. ya allah.

bulan april masih jd masa2 bahagia gue... apalagi wkt pulang dari spore. behhh hidup kaya surga. betapa tiap hari gue sekolah gapernah bisa ilangin senyum atau ketawa, cenat cenut, bahagia deh pokoknya. masuk bulan mei abis UN. mulai suram. hidup gue makin ngga jelas. di ambang kematian. mixed feelings. antara bingung dan pasrah. tapi alhamdulillah gue bisa ngejalanin tes negri dengan lancar dan nilai terbaik dan juga keterima :)

lanjut. jujur selama 5 tahun gue sekolah di alpus, hidup datar bgt. malah kadang dooownnnnn bgt sampe gue megap2 kehabisan udara buat hidup lagi di alpus. terkadang gue jg ngerasa fly... bener2 seneng, dan bangga bisa jadi part of 39 semua :-)

hm sebenernya post gue kali ini no point bgt yah, seperti judulnya ada kata2 heartbreak.
heartbreak itu ada berbagai macam loh. dan rasa sedih nya jg beda2. kalo skrg sih jelas2 gue heartbreak gara2.... someone lah. and its the one who makes me wanna kill myself, puhlease kill me now man.

about goodbye... ummm gausah dijelasin lagi, soalnya jelas2 gue lg ngadepin perpisahan sama semua orang. ninggalin lingkungan biasa gue, guru2, temen2, semuanya. emang berat, tp hrs dijalanin. kita semua bakal jalan ke arah yg beda... sekolah beda, pergaulan jg beda, kehidupan jg beda, tapi yaaa mau digimanain lg. wkt ngga akan pernah bisa diulang.

banyak bgt yang mau gue bilang ke kalian semua, pengen bgt meluk semua orang, pengen bgt minta maaf sama semua orang, pengen bgt meluk meja gue di kelas, pengen bgt foto2 di kelas lagi, pokoknya gue pengen masa smp lagi meskipun waktu ngga bisa diulang :(

last word.... im gonna miss you all super much :'( time flies very fast ya..... semoga kita semua bisa ngejalanin masa sma dengan baik dan sukses masuk jenjang berikutnya yaitu kuliah, sampe nanti, semoga karir kita semua baik, punya masa depan yang cerah, dan nanti kita semua bakal dipertemukan lagi bareng2 sebagai "ALUMNI ALPUS ANGKATAN 39".

crazy little things called Love

HOLIDAY IS ON BABYYYYY!

yaaap holiday is coming. this is uberrr greatttt! hi everybodeeeeeh lets have fun togethaaaa!

yap. ehem. lemme explain many things first.

i got many, many heartbreaking news these days. superrr heartbreak. about many things that i cant explain in my blogs bcs maybeeee someone gonna read it. although it was really awful, and im being crazy girl for maybe... 2 weeks? yap its super awful and i wanna kill myself because of someone just... php-ing me. maybe some people thinks that im too 'lebay' about that, but hey, i have a feelings. you guys don't know how it feels, to be me, the girl that... ahhhh stop it, it makes me cry even moooore.

and i have a really good news... I JUST GRADUATE FROM JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL! feels both sad and happy to leave you all guys.... and school... but i know that god prepare a lot of things for me in the future :):):) and i have a nice nem toooo!

AND YOU KNOW WHATTT.... ME, DIANDRA RIVANKA, IS ACCEPTED IN SMAN70 :'''''D ohhh god thank you so much for everything :"""D and actually i accepted in alpus3 too... but *bismillah* im not take it :) i feels that maybe moving into the new school is better... find a new friends, teacher, and place. i know that i will miss someone.... *sigh* but hey, its okay :) it will comeback to me if it really made for me :) i know it because i have waiting for 5 years, i know its little bit stressing me out, and im trying to forget it. i just wanna say that im gonna miss you so much :) thats it, nothing to say, nothing more.

hey everybody in 39, i will not forget our times together, when we laughs, when we cry, when we were in class, everything, specially for my best class everrr 9E, you guys are great! this thing *pointing to my head* will not forget many many crazy little things about you, i never ever never ever never ever forget how much i love you guys :") even tho i will have a many2 new friends in other school... but you guys my best :""") 7E,8F you guys too! you all my best pal too! damn this is so sad, but.... 'you' too. i never forget 'you'. dear 'you know who'. i never ever forget my feelings, and how much i've try. but it all doesn't work until the last... the only way to forget you is leaving you. i must learn to live without seeing you sitting in the class, laughing beside me and insulting me. thank you for this 5 years :) you made my whole life change in 5 years. i hope you will remember me as your.... friend :) errghhh this is soo sad and my tears is already falling down when i typing all this words.

w000t it feels great. really great when everything in my head were written down in my personal diary.

hmmmm actually i just got back to Jakarta from my summer holiday in Bali hihiiiyyy :D and maybe im gonna spending this last 3 weeks of my holiday in Singapore and Jakarta hmmmm but my original plan is going to Korea :( because of the timing didn't match AT ALL, sooo it maybe postpone until December or summer next year :-( huhhhh.

last word... Dear 39, i love you all. it will never change. You guys are my friends eventho maybe you hate me because of my behavior, and i wanna send you all a truck of 'sorry' :-( i still feel that you guys my best, boy or girl, tall or short, nice or annoying, fat or thin, everyone. I LOVE YOU. gonna miss you all :''')

and i cant wait for 29th June 2011, My Birthday, Hihi love you all {}<3:)

for me its happen all the time.

Yep, hai all :)

I just finished every test... UN.. US... UP... All. I hope I can get a best score :) hooofttt.

I'm in a bad condition, really really bad. Idk why there's something bother my head, me heart.... Something's wrong. I know it.

Beside I don't have a school (yet), hey this is different. The feelings are different. Idk why this THING keeps bothering my head. I can't forget it. Everything I touch. Everything I see, everything I have, it reminds me. Always. To that thing. Everyday.

In this, late, night, I don't know what to do. I can't sleep, I can't think, I don't know. Maybe I'm going crazy.

I can't feel anything. Its like your body without anything on it. Kopong. I feel nothing. I wonder about the one I thing about is... "What's on his/her head?" I keep thinking about it.

I'm sorry I post something trashy, but this i how I feel. Blogspot is my personal diary, but can read by some people. I feel that my blog is my only friend at night, that I can share something about "something", yuppp I can't tell you specifically about my problem, I just can't reveal it....

These day I keep watching sad movies, slow songs, thinking about nothing, daydreaming.... Oh how stupid I am. Maybe I just wasting time doing nothing, beside that, I SHOULD STUDY FOR 70 TEST. Why can I think about that days days days months months year year ago??? *hiperbola* hem stupid me.
but u know lah I'm a lazy ass kid... I'm study based on my moods. If its good, the I'll study. If its not... Then I'm gonna playing laptop, skype-ing with friends, shopping, swimming, doing crazy things, laughing out loud with sister, eating, party, and MORE!!

And the conclusion is : I must forget that thing.

Kay bye.

getting closer and i'm going crazy.

Hi everybody, this is diandra speakingg and as the title, I'm going crazy.

Ya know, it's H-14 National Examination. But I haven't prepare anything perfectly.

I just past the School Exam, and the score is... Great laah, but I think its not too good, but its nice! *random*

For the practical exam... Hemmm okayla :D:D wekeke I'm hiding the truth :p:p

dear my reader... Thank you so muchy muchy for reading my blog! It seems that a great happiness is coming when I know that many people were reading my blog :):) 200 viewers in a week?? WooooHoooo!

I think this is gonna be my one of the last post before I ended up my position at 'Al-Azhar01 JHS student', and actually, imma bit sad. I can't leave the people i love, the class, the desk, my friends of course. Its gonna be hard for me, I think.

Eventho I'm going to school in alpus again, it's just feels different. My friends changes, my class, my teacher, all different.

I'm in a middle of a stress week (month, actually), sooo its gonna be really really hard for me. Finding the school, many test, many exam, there's a lot of things that live in my mind. About friends, school, family, problems, score, money,and a looot of crazy little thing (called love :p) ----> that's a movie guys :p

Of course I know that I'm imperfect, nothings perfect about me at all, I just feel the same with the other. I am me, I'm beautiful me :-):-)

And there's one thing that I can't forget and let go even one second.... But I can't tell you, only my bestfriends know about it :p

Kaaay sooo this is my post, seeya later and have a great week everybodeeeh! Laffya

TOO PERFECT COUPLE.

they are the perfect couple on this universe, and dont ask me who's them. because they're angel from heaven :'):'):')

homealone and crazy.

yap sekarang, sesuai judul, gue lg sendirian dirumah.
booooringgggg.

im in my practical exam, its sooo tiring-_- and hell yea i dont understand abt physics and biology practical exam :-( buttt i get a 100 marks on my IT test! wooohooo!

anddd my semester VI test score is really nice :) yea i got a lot of 80-90 score but my maths score is still ugly as a duck in the hell!/random.

and for your information... maybe this is a sad news for me but okelaaa, "ALPUS1 DIDN'T ACCEPT ME AS THEIR STUDENTS". they-not-accept-me. i know but im a lil bit stupid but PUHLEASEEE ACCEPT ME! you dont know how it feels like didnt have a school (yet-_-). so im gonna get a good score on UN, and being a student in..... *jengjengjengjeng* SMAN 70!!! (aminnnnn). yea thats my plan for high school thingy, and if i am still NOT ACCEPTED.... then i choose alpus3. *damn i hate this crazy life*

YOU KNOW WHATTTT? my kartul is finisheeeeddd damn i a freakingly so happy. but i havent made the presentation yet T.T huhhh lazy meee.

you must see this pict. the man beside of me (right one) is my boyf from south korea. HOOOH IM SO SO SO HAPPY :D



i know he's handsome~~~ i know he's handsome~~~ (crazy)

this pict is taken when my friends were swimmming in my crib! :)



anddd this pict is taken when we (9E) is taking a class photo!



kay thats all from me..... you dont know how TIRED you are in the 9 grade before you feels it yourself.

smooochy:*:*

and then... and then... and then...

hi! longtime no seeyaaa!

im in the middle of stressing around, crazy-ing the exam and hell yeaaa i got a score that <90, and 45> :p *i am not gonna tell you specifically.*

and i'm in love with my class, 9E.
they are nice, crazy, full of laugh, understanding, and kind class.
and my THRINIVER2011! damn i love them all.
it's kind of "sad" facing the truth, that we'll going separate ways :"(

gonna miss you guuuys :(

this.

HI 2011 :)

Test. First post in 2011 :)

LOLLL haha. Its february already. Time flies sooo fast.

Btw, 2 MONTHS TO NATIONAL EXAM.
1 MONTHS TO SCHOOL EXAM
3 WEEKS TO PRACTICAL EXAM

Let's die, shall we? :-)

HAPPY NEW YEAAAAAR 2011!!!

HELLO EVERYBODY, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
I HOPE 2011 CAN BE OUR BEST YEAR WITH OUR NEW DREAMS AND HOPES :-)
LOVE YAAAAA


Ehm, cukup ya pembukaannya? hehehehe
di taun baru ini harapan gue cm 1.... yaitu bisa lulus smp dengan nilai terbaik supaya bisa msk sekolah2 bagus. ya allaaaaaaaaah 3 bulan lg un dan gue belum siap sama sekali :<

yepppp dan gue bakal ngelupain semua hal suka duka gue di 2010 yang kelam tp menyenangkan itu ;) saatnya membuka lembaran baru coy :D

HEY YOU! Once again, HAPPY NEW YEAR!