just being honest

ummm hi guys :)

gue cuma pengen jujur aja kali ini...

gue sangat expect lebih, tp sygnya gue keduluan.

i dont know, as if like my heart are floating, or burning :(

im not a special person tho, im just me, nothing elses

sometimes i would act like i dont care, but this isnt working.

that time when you want to scream, but you cant.

or on that time when you really want to say the truth, but you cant.

that time when you want to spilled everything.

that time when you want to see those eyes.

that time when you want to smile again, ear to ear, with your blushed cheeks.

that time when you have butterflies all over your tummy.

that time when you heart beating like crazy.

that time when you.... cant get everything you want.

that time when you cant have all of it.

that time when its all just a memories.

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its hurt. when everything like this.

simply and truthfully, i just want to be called by "di" again.

di. di. di. di. di.

today i swear im not doing anything...

guys. im here. im alive. yeah.

its been a long time i didn't post something in my blog with english (haha maybe? however i forgot). yesterday i celebrate my dear husband birthday, yep the man in my post before this. hahaha lol i declare him as my new husband now :P i already break up with kyuhyun because he's a got a more trashy girls around him. i just dont like him anymore. then when im feel so alone i saw Yun hubby music video and live performance, and his reality show. its just feels like a whole world crashing. actually, my heart does hahaha. actually, i like him from very old time... in 2009... when i see Wrong Number music video. he's so handsome i could've die. but kyuhyun take my heart first... and then... yeah. *WARNING, FAN GIRL POST ATTACK*

About school... great. I've moved to Social Class like i told you before. It is great. I feel so great. I feel more eased. I dont need to study chemical, physics, and biology anymore. IT FEELS SO GOOD. Hell yeah.

Sooo i dont really have a pressure these days, but my feelings stay the same. I truly cant change my feelings at all :)

kay not really a long post, bye, xx

Little notes for my everything, in 6 February 2012 {}

“I love to joke around but in actuality, I’m the loneliest.” - Jung Yunho

He's the one, my U-Know.
Although he feel lonely, Cassiopeia and BigEast always there for him.
He is the truly leader who fight for the group until the last drop of tears and sweat.
He protect the group like there's nothing more important than that.
He want to keep it as 5 no matter how, in any ways.
His dedication to SM Entertainment and DBSK/TVXQ/TOHOSHINKI is very great, and very faithful.
He's the birthday boy today, so lets greet him (from far away, from me, yeah) with a sweet HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I wish anything but the best for you, you are my favorite, you are my best, still as ever, and forever.


Always Keep The Faith,
I Love You

first post in 2012. hey :-)

*2012 greetings pic from me hahahaha lol*

HELLO, HAPPY *late* NEW YEAR 2012 :D

Selamat tahun baru all my readers, semoga kita semua semakin baik lagi di tahun ini! :-) Untuk gue, gaada permintaan yang spesifik tahun ini. Kalo taun lalu kan... Pengen lulus UN, dapet sekolah yang diinginkan, sukses, dan bisa banggain ortu. Dan alhamdulillah tercapai heehee ;) Kalo taun ini gimana yaaa.... Mmmmm kaya yg gue bilang td, gak spesifik minta apa. Kayaknya sih tetep jadi another labil year ahemmm (kyaaaa >.<) sebenernya inimah gue yang labil gatau mau apa. FYI gue ambil IPS guyssssss! Nah ini kejadian bulan desember tapi baru gue omongin skrg gyahaha. Gue seneng bgt, sumpah. Gue gak sedih karena ini yang gue mau :D Insya Allah gue siap ngejalanin awal taun ini dengan lancar tanpa hambatan, gak pake stres2an, dibawa have fun aja, lupain segala macem yang buruk2 di 2011, dan jadi anak kelas satu yang baik O:)

Gak kerasa yah tinggal satu semester lagi di kelas satu... Banyak kejadian selama gue masuk SMA, hal yang bener2 baru buat gue, dan cukup berat. Yang sedihnya lagi, gue gak bisa ngerasain nyaris semua kejadian2 dan acara sekolah gue. Ini sedih. Demi apapun gue mau gabung sama kalian guys, tapi... u know my parents. Kalian mesti tau betapa inginnya gue ikut konvoy dll. Ikut acara sekolah. Apapun club, ekskul, dan kegiatan yang gue mau ikut pasti gakdibolehin, dan pastinya karena alasan yang logis. Dan gue terima itu karena omongan nykp gue bener. Jujur ini berat banget buat gue, gue sedih, gue takut, gue labil, gue bingung. Sebenernya gue cuma pengen minta maaf sebesar-besarnya... ngga enak bgt :"""(

Selama liburan natal dan taun baru ini gue lumayan jarang dirumah... Mostly di bandung tentunya. Gue selama liburan ke surabaya 5 hari... Anyer 3 hari... Bandung sampe 2 minggu kali ya... Rencana gue dan keluarga yang insya allah mau ke eropa, gagal. Ke amerika, gagal. Ke jepang, visanya belum di confirm. Ke sidney, sekeluarga gak begitu tertarik. Jadinya insya allah... *jengjengjeng* ke korea!!! huff huff sebenernya ini jadwal awal kita semua yang belum tercapai. Doakan sajaaa liburanku yang sangat telat ini jadi hehehehehe :)

Kayaknya untuk selanjutnya gue update beberapa foto gue aja meskipun sangat tidak penting hahahahaha!

*Girls day out at my crib, swim with mine rifkha sarah dewi :D*

*with mum at anyer. pardon my hair that covered my eyes -_-" bcs its very windy there huff*

*with little sista at Zangrandi in surabaya. lol my expression i didnt like it tho fufu*

HAHAHA kok jadi gue yg malu yah pake photo update segalaaa wkwk -_-" btw btw gue motong rambut lagi loh untuk kesekian kalinya... gangerti tujuannya apa (sebenernya sih buang sial) tapi rambutnya malah jadi bagus! loving my new haircut :-) btw gue pengen bgt copot behel, tapi takut nyesel gituu. huff gimana dong ya masi labil nih

Terakhir.. buat menutup post pertama gue di 2012... gue cuma mau bilang kalo gue tahun ini bakal lebih hidup. Kan taun lalu lebih banyak tekanan tuh, insya allah sekarang bisa lebih tenang dan nyantai. Harapan gue.. pengen banget bisa ranking 3 besar di kelas IPS yang baru ini, semoga pilihan gue benar dan gue bisa sukses!!! Amin!!! Doakan ya guysss :-)


Niteeee, sleep tight, dont forgot to dream about me lol haha byeeee :*

HUHA B-)

hey guys wish me luck for my last semester I exam. ipa/ips? let's see.

xoxo my cyber friends

p.s. im in my great condition now, physically and mentally, thank god everything has flew away to HELL. *but currently still burning my problems away and haven't done it YET*

miss them like a LOT

HELLO NOVEMBER

heeeey guys its been a long time.

thankfully i get a good times these day at school. there's something bothering me but that's okay. its November already. time sure flying very fast. this year i have been in many troubles, many heartbreak, being lied, and many more. there's a lot of positive and good times too of course. yep its complicated. I'm trying to just looking forward but its just hard.

how is it like? for being lied by someone that you trusted A LOT? im in this situation. i just cant believe it when i know the truth. its just awkward. after all the things that i said... omg. its very mean. very very mean. dont even think that you will keep my feelings as good as before like theres nothing change. its YOU that dont have 'a feelings. you're trying to understand me as much as you can but in the back you don't wanna tell me anything and you keep the fuck up so you think that you can't hurt me and you think that you can maintain my feelings. nope, it doesnt work. sorry. but i already know everything. even if you just have that feeling for a short time, but hey, im your friend. you cant do that to me. i trusted you. :"(

hehe. there's an private talk in this post. thats what im thinking these days. its just very... heartbreaking. but im okay :D

i love my friends so much and i really appreciated them. maybe i said something that isn't good but actually i said that just to be more closed with you guys. i never want to hurt you all even if im hurt because of your words to me. ive always forgive you no matter what happen because i love you all. dont even try to think that i hate you, never. i never hate someone in my life because i always forgive my closed friends. i cant hate my friend. its okay of you wanna hate me or hurt me, karma does exist. theres always a friend that speaks like a trashcan and very harsh, yes i hate it, but i never said anything. i keep it all in my heart. i really don't wanna say something that can hurt you guys, i just can hurt myself. im trying to be understandable but there's always a bunch of people that think negatively of me. i wanna say thank you to those people that always understand me and very nice to me, people that can appreciate me as their friends, give me shoulder to cry on, giving me hug, never used me, and never lie to me whatever it takes. :)

many exams. omg. my head going to explode. many homeworks. like hell. okay guys its meeee posting on the blog and i have to doing my hw. november is sh^t

xo