miss them like a LOT

HELLO NOVEMBER

heeeey guys its been a long time.

thankfully i get a good times these day at school. there's something bothering me but that's okay. its November already. time sure flying very fast. this year i have been in many troubles, many heartbreak, being lied, and many more. there's a lot of positive and good times too of course. yep its complicated. I'm trying to just looking forward but its just hard.

how is it like? for being lied by someone that you trusted A LOT? im in this situation. i just cant believe it when i know the truth. its just awkward. after all the things that i said... omg. its very mean. very very mean. dont even think that you will keep my feelings as good as before like theres nothing change. its YOU that dont have 'a feelings. you're trying to understand me as much as you can but in the back you don't wanna tell me anything and you keep the fuck up so you think that you can't hurt me and you think that you can maintain my feelings. nope, it doesnt work. sorry. but i already know everything. even if you just have that feeling for a short time, but hey, im your friend. you cant do that to me. i trusted you. :"(

hehe. there's an private talk in this post. thats what im thinking these days. its just very... heartbreaking. but im okay :D

i love my friends so much and i really appreciated them. maybe i said something that isn't good but actually i said that just to be more closed with you guys. i never want to hurt you all even if im hurt because of your words to me. ive always forgive you no matter what happen because i love you all. dont even try to think that i hate you, never. i never hate someone in my life because i always forgive my closed friends. i cant hate my friend. its okay of you wanna hate me or hurt me, karma does exist. theres always a friend that speaks like a trashcan and very harsh, yes i hate it, but i never said anything. i keep it all in my heart. i really don't wanna say something that can hurt you guys, i just can hurt myself. im trying to be understandable but there's always a bunch of people that think negatively of me. i wanna say thank you to those people that always understand me and very nice to me, people that can appreciate me as their friends, give me shoulder to cry on, giving me hug, never used me, and never lie to me whatever it takes. :)

many exams. omg. my head going to explode. many homeworks. like hell. okay guys its meeee posting on the blog and i have to doing my hw. november is sh^t

xo

escape

Heeeyy guysss. Today. Tonight. 22 September 2011. :)

Its been a year, when OSIS 2009-2010 goes to Thailand. Miss those time when I don't have many problem right now, the time when life isn't complicated as now, the time when I was having fun like there's no problem in my life. The time when I was stu-dying all time for UN, Alpus Elevation, having fun with friends going anywhere anytime and everywhere, laughing together with my middle school friends, like there's no problem. Yes, like there's no problem.

Its been a year, yes its been a year. You know what? Honestly, I'm frustrated. Many problems happening right now, I don't even know how to solve that... "Cancer" mind always leads to negative thinking. They're always think that every people do and say, its Cancer's fault.

Many things in my mind :s and my brain is going to explode. I get a major headache 2 times a week. And I never want to tell anybody about this, because I don't want. I wanna back to 2008, I wanna start everything :(:( I wanna begin middle school from the beginning again, please god, I don't wanna be in high school :"( I miss my pal :""""( I never felt like this before. I really really want to restart everything's, God :""((( although its hard.. I know that there's a time that I hate everything in my life when I was a middle schooler, but I'm sure I can do it. God always with me. Help me from everything....

I miss those time when we were together, laughing together like there's no problem and awkward feeling, yes, NO AWKWARD FEELING. My life is full of pressure... I hate my brain :"( I hate my heart for letting me being hurts like this :"""( I really need an escape. I need to move to another country. I wanna start a new life. I can't live like this all the time. Everything's torturing me. Even my family does. And I wanna tell you that this "missing everybody" feelings is killing me... I can't believe that everything has an "ends". Nothing lasts forever. I really can't believe that.

That's my life in my position, in my point of view. Maybe everyone thinks that I a very happy person, yeah they see the other side of me. That's not the real me right now. Many pressures. From everywhere. Even from my family. Many problems that I can't even tell you guys. The conclusion is... I'm not that happy these days. Please don't hurt me because I'm really sensitive.

And guys.... I really need a hug :") {}

(i was wrote this post on 22 september 2011 but i havent post it, yet. until now. hehe)

another late nite chat

halo..... we meet again.

sekarang jam 12 malem dan gue masih labil di tengah malem minggu gini. yeeeep sekali lagi gue ulang, labil.

labil, random, mixed feeling.

banyak bgt kejadian hari ini yg super makin bikin gue banyak pikiran pusing dan bingung x_x salah satunya adalaaah sebenernya cita2 gue itu apasih? gue pengen jd Arsitek. itu cita2 gue. tp sayangnya gue jauuuuuuuuuh lebih menguasai pelajaran IPS, dan gue berburuk sangka bahwa gue gaakan bisa masuk IPA. gimana mau jd arsitek kalo sma nya ips. ada option lain. yaitu gue mesti kuliah diluar negri. setau gue kalo kuliah di luar negri itu ngga peduli apa lo ipa/ips asal lo bisa ngejar semuanya aja. elah. galau.

salah satu impian gue adalah jadi........produser/sutradara. gila. ini impian gue yg terindah. apalagi kalo bs jd Scriptwriter. karena gue suka bgt menghayal, makanya profesi ini bagus bgt buat gue. gue mau sekolah perfilman di new york, atauu hollywood. anjir, surga maksimal. gue pengen bgt bikin film. dalam berbagai macam genre. sebenernya sih sejujurnya.....................gue pengen bgt bikin film sedih. kayaknya gokil tuuh. hahaha

HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHH KNP SIH GUE JD CEWE MESTI SENSI BGTTTT. apa yg org lakuin dan omongin pasti gue langsung ngira itu gue. gue selalu takut sesuatu terjadi. yg aneh2. yg gue gamau. elah mati aja deh gue






goodbye

feeling guilty :(

kenapa sih semuanya gini. gue ngerasa semuanya berantakan. hati gue. campur aduk. ada rasa yang ngga enak. kenapa gini? :(

okay. itu prolog gue. gue labil bgt hari ini ngga ngerti kenapa. banyak pikiran dan rasa kecampur aduk semuaaa duuuhhh

gue malem ini bener2 males tidur entah kenapa. ada sesuatu yg bikin gue gamau tidur padahal gue juga ngga tau. i just keep replaying my old playlist in the beginning of 2011. and then many memories passing by. gue gasuka kaya gini. gue emang kangen banget, tp gaboleh kaya gini. waktu gabisa diulang. gue kangen bgt sm anak2, apalagi keadaan di kelas sama mereka. jelas skrg semuanya berubah. ini harusnya emang normal, tp gue yg ga pernah bisa nerima kenyataan, selalu aja kaya gini.

gue suram banget. banyak impian gue yang ngga tercapai tahun ini. impian dari hati gue, bukan kaya sekolah prestasi gitu loh. gue bersyukur banget bisa masuk sekolah unggulan hebat dan gue cinta sekolah dan temen2 baru gue, tp itu bukan masalah gue. ini lain. impian lain. hayalan gue sih, tepatnya. sedih nggak sih bahasa gue. please bgt.

yep, hayalan gue hanya beberapa doang yang tercapai sampe kenyataan. salah satunya adalah bisa natap semua personil Super Junior + Shinee, hell yea, they're recognize me.

expectation x reality

yaaa bukan hayalan gue sih sebenernya, tapi ekspektasi. semua yang gue sangat harapkan terjadi. semua nya ngga ada yang nyambung sama realiti kehidupan gue. banyak bgt yang bilang impian dan keinginan gue ketinggian, tapi kan bukan katanya impian itu harus tinggi2? nah makanya gue bingung. gue ngga ngerti. karena setiap pola pikir orang itu berbeda beda.

apa yg gue harapkan bgt terjadi, hanya berjalan 20%. ngibul. omdo, tepatnya. gue berharap bgt bisa pindah ke luar negri, belum kesampean juga. gue berharap bgt bisa ngelakuin apa yang gue mau, pasti aja ada rintangan dan masalahnya. gue berharap bgt semuanya lancar dan gaada lagi sakit hati and being sensitive, nyatanya gue tetep sedih dan bete2 juga tuh.

ini jelas, emang bener. harapan gue terlalu tinggi. karena saking tingginya, waktu semuanya udh kejadian ngga seperti apa yg gue mau, braakkkkkk. impian gue jatoh. pecah berkeping-keping. hancur, robek, musnah gitu aja. bahkan gue aja sampe detik ini, ngetik post ini, masi ngga percaya semuanya udah lewat dan berakhir gt aja dan sama sekali ngga bisa diulang. gue menyedihkan gak sih?

tahun ini berakhir sebentar lagi. nah salah satunya harapan gue dulu th 2010 akhir, bisa ngelupain semua yang buruk2 dan mulai hidup baru yg lebih baik. dan..................ngga kejadian. semuanya. sampe detik ini juga hal yg wkt itu pengen gue lupain jelas2 masi nempel di kepala gue sampe skrg. emang bener, beberapa impian gue yg jelas bisa dikejar pake otak tercapai, alhamdulillah perfect sesuai keinginan dan doa. tapi, ada yg kurang.....................

gue pengen bgt bisa ngelupain semuanya dan mulai hidup baru, lagi. prinsip gue gapernah berubah. selalu pengen berubah.padahal belom tentu ada yg suka perubahan gue. tp gue pengen ada perubahan. pengen bgt ngerasa ada yg beda sama gue di th 2012 yg akan datang.

gue pengen hayalan gue, semuanya, yg ketinggian itu, musnah. ilang mati hangus terbakar. gue gabutuh. gue mau ngejar prestasi aja. ini beneran. serius. bukan janji ngibul. gue pengen bgt jd anak yg pinter bgt. tanpa beban hidup, tanpa masalah. ngga banyak pikiran. dll. pokoknya pengen semua yang baik2. gue mulai mikir ke arah dimana gue harus berdiri dan berusaha dan apa yg hrs gue kejar sampe titik darah terakhir di umur gue ini. Allah pasti ngebantu gue buat ngelewatin semuanya dengan lancar. Allah know what's best for me.





tuhkaaaaaan.............. curhatan gue super labil dan super banyak T_T if you're not interested to read it its okay just skip it and see my another post okay ciao xoxoxo :)

First day of October.

Hey guys, wish me luck.

Please, so i can survive this month. Physically, Mentally.

No more sad, stress, and feel of being pushed by everybody.

Get the best score in my class (because i still have a time before December).

Always have and will get the best. Amen.

xoxoxo

ryu myu